damn.. i am so LOST!

anyone kind enough to show me the right way? *sigh* i promise not to ever put any heart breaking and mood wrecking post in here. but then again here i am pouring my heart out. (my apologies bloggers) my weakness, my downfall, and my insanity.. emotions.. contradictory of what the picture shows. (see that image on the the right?) i am, yes.. i guess have to let go. sooner or later. so fed up and tired of clinging on that little something we are holding on to. *sniff* you are way up there while i am here drifting at the edge of this cliff. hanging on was way too much to bear. there's just nothing left worth fighting for. stupid me. i am supposed to be so over you a long time ago. but you just wont let go. how do you expect me to be happy with someone new, if you are there getting always in the way. i remember the song "because of you by kelly clarkson" the chorus goes this way:

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

damn right.. because of you.. i am afraid.. you! and nothing else.. you made it so hard for me to put my complete trust and love to someone new that i guess will be the only person who would really make me happy. i've been thinking lately.. he'd been there for me ever since. through thick and thin, through all the controversies of my damn life. he was there supporting me. my ever loyal friend. but now, i don't know. i am so confused. i am so torn. something behind my mind is telling me it's worth a try for me to give us a chance, yet on the other part of this heart and mind there you are trying to push ur way again. you really don't want me to be happpy.. ur so good of making me feel guilty of something that i am not. please, help me forgive and forget. i am lost. let go.. i just want to move on.. but i just don't know how and where to start... aaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh

I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT!